7 Dec 2012
Early starts were never this good
If you'd have told be a few years back that I'd be starting my day at 05:45 and be deliriously happy about it then I'd have told you to take a hike. But then I didn't know that I would have just fed this...
6 Dec 2011
Crap 'workspeak' that I hate myself for saying
When I was about 20 I had a University friend who was easily one of the brightest and funniest people I had ever met. We spent quite a bit of time together and inevitably I picked up one or two of the expressions she used. This only became apparent to me when my then boyfriend starting responding to things I said to him with the retort, "Yes, 'Kate'."
So it happens that you pick shit up from other people. After little more than two months at school my four year old now drops more 'likes' into sentences than most self respecting teenagers ("I'm, like, sooooo excited about Christmas, Mummy!" etc.)
It seems the work place is one of the worst carriers of this particular virus and once again I've been sucked into a vortex of jargon and waffle from which I cannot seem to escape. My only option is to take the piss out of myself about it so here goes...
CRAP STUFF YOU SAY AT WORK THAT MAKES EVEN YOURSELF CRINGE
1) "We need to land this message"
Stupid way of basically making a point but given greater credibility by using different words instead of the ones about 'making a point'.
2) "We need to get him/her across the line on this"
Related to point 1 but taken to the next stage. After 'landing' you have to ensure your subject actually believes it - see point 3.
3) "Bought in"
To be committed to/supportive of your idea. Both words making more actual sense.
4) "Bolster"
Essentially about making things bigger. Have heard 'supersize' too but that's too awful even to contemplate.
5) "Decks"
Fancy word for a collection of PowerPoint slides. Lowly slides are ineffectual and serve no purpose. A 'deck' on the other hand has mythical powers and can get even the most challenging Exec 'bought-in' in a heartbeat.
6) Starting sentences with the word 'So'
I believe this one got me about 18 months ago. Simply stated, someone asks you a question and you feel compelled to respond with "So, what we did was look at...". Truly awful and impossible to escape. Listen out for it.
7) Adding '2.0' to anything you want to imply is an improvement.
"So this next phase will be Project Knobhead 2.0" Yuck.
8) "Phases"
Far better sounding that 'bits' or 'section s' which wouldn't do at all, clearly.
Would love to hear your own contributions. I think?!
Jec
x
So it happens that you pick shit up from other people. After little more than two months at school my four year old now drops more 'likes' into sentences than most self respecting teenagers ("I'm, like, sooooo excited about Christmas, Mummy!" etc.)
It seems the work place is one of the worst carriers of this particular virus and once again I've been sucked into a vortex of jargon and waffle from which I cannot seem to escape. My only option is to take the piss out of myself about it so here goes...
CRAP STUFF YOU SAY AT WORK THAT MAKES EVEN YOURSELF CRINGE
1) "We need to land this message"
Stupid way of basically making a point but given greater credibility by using different words instead of the ones about 'making a point'.
2) "We need to get him/her across the line on this"
Related to point 1 but taken to the next stage. After 'landing' you have to ensure your subject actually believes it - see point 3.
3) "Bought in"
To be committed to/supportive of your idea. Both words making more actual sense.
4) "Bolster"
Essentially about making things bigger. Have heard 'supersize' too but that's too awful even to contemplate.
5) "Decks"
Fancy word for a collection of PowerPoint slides. Lowly slides are ineffectual and serve no purpose. A 'deck' on the other hand has mythical powers and can get even the most challenging Exec 'bought-in' in a heartbeat.
6) Starting sentences with the word 'So'
I believe this one got me about 18 months ago. Simply stated, someone asks you a question and you feel compelled to respond with "So, what we did was look at...". Truly awful and impossible to escape. Listen out for it.
7) Adding '2.0' to anything you want to imply is an improvement.
"So this next phase will be Project Knobhead 2.0" Yuck.
8) "Phases"
Far better sounding that 'bits' or 'section s' which wouldn't do at all, clearly.
Would love to hear your own contributions. I think?!
Jec
x
13 Nov 2011
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